Knowing and Acceptance

As I look back, I realize I had known for a while that my Mom had a problem. It just took a while to realize how serious it truly was.  She had always been really involved with my life and my kids and then....she was NOT.  We spent many phone conversations talking about how much money she was making playing machines instead of what the kids were into and how our family was doing.  We would invite her to the kids' activities and often she would drive the hour to get here and then leave within 30 or 40 minutes.  There were many gambling joints on the road between her house and mine and she passed them all on the way-triggering the urge.  Or, she would call at the last minute and cancel. This became our norm. 

I remember the fall of 2007, that Sunday morning, when she drove the hour to get to our church.  She was to be my oldest son's confirmation sponsor.  How odd that she was going to support someone's religious journey into the church while she had let her own spiritual life crumble?  We had the day planned with the church service, the luncheon afterward in the church hall and then back to the house for cake and presents.  She arrived 15 minutes before the service began and didn't even stay to finish the meal afterward and we were at the table with our two priests!  She got up and left with the excuse that she didn't want to leave my grandmother all day alone. However, I knew otherwise.  She had made plans to be away for the entire day and didn't want to waste a single minute!  I remember calling her house all afternoon and she didn't arrive home until after dark.  Gambling had become her sole focus. That was one of those moments when the light came on.  We watched this behavior all winter.   I knew but wasn't sure how to move forward or whether to even say the words out loud.

My Mom and I had always set aside one day around the time of my birthday to shop and have lunch.  I don't remember when that started but we had done it for many years.  In Feb. of 2008,  we made those same plans.  But, she couldn't even pay for our $20 lunch. I ended up paying and realized at that moment, sitting in Panera Bread, that it was because she was broke!  ALL her money was going into gambling.  The lightbulb grew brighter.  I knew she was in deep but as I paid for my birthday lunch, I realized that she had past some point of no return.  She was not in control.  I think  that was the turning point for me-my birthday in 2008. I was finally ready to see what I hadn't wanted to see for the past year.  My Mom had a serious problem and it had taken over her life.   Acceptance.